The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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