i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
