the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
