My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
