OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
