Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
