just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
