I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
