In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
