When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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