Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
