i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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