some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
