She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
