YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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