I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
