Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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