You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
