Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I love you.
Bad choice
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
