I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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