Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
