I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
