If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
