Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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