Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
