I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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