So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
