I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
