Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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