mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
