Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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