I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my liver is dry heaving
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
