im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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