I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
