she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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