no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
