I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
