I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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