apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
