thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
