I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
