OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
