Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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