i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
