Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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