Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
