Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
