A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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