I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
