Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
